Past few days weren’t easy for me. Maybe around 10 days. I can’t sleep well. I can’t concentrate on work. I can’t be productive. I try to find my soul back.
From my analysis, there are 2 main causes. (I know I shouldn’t be affected this easily, but I have to admit that I couldn’t control myself fully all the time).
1. Meeting a people that thinks he knows everything! He gave speech about what kind of life we should have. Do you think I’m that stupid that cannot make the comparison between my wishlist and my ability? Won’t got into detail because I don’t want to hurt anyone. For me, it’s another phase to be better (or, greater?)
2. Finding the hole in the system and it’s too late ! Also, no hint what I should do now. This successfully made me unable to sleep tight for 3 days in a row! Even on my most tired days, I still thought about finding the solution in the dream. Gosh!
Am I Getting Tired?
If you don’t know, I’ll share a bit about my life for the past 4 years. Won’t include the 5 years ago because I didn’t really struggle at that time.
I’ve been spending around 14-15 hours/day working, including on weekends. Proud of this? Quite ambiguous. On good days, I’ll answer yes. On bad ones, I’m not sure. This one includes Saturdays and Sundays. Saturdays are equal to other working days. Begin to work around 8am, have 1 hour break for lunch, continue working until afternoon, do some workout for around 2 hours, have some breaks, continue working until I go to bed.
Kind of boring? Not really when you like what you do and you make a good progress. Also, when you know WHAT YOUR GOALS ARE and you’re moving closer to them!
On Sundays, I usually work around 3-4 hours only, have another one for resting. I sometimes don’t open laptop at all when having full day activities outside. I see this as the chance to let my eyes and brain to rest a bit longer.
Last week, when meeting my high school besties (after years!) and seeing their shocking faces when I told them I’m going to continue working after going back home. OMG! Isn’t that something bad, strange, crazy, or? To clear the air, I added I had some deadlines to finish.
Then, when going back home, I started to think about the life other than work I had before. Really, I couldn’t find anything to do if I don’t have to work. Maybe, I’ll be uring-uringan and become more talkative about small stuffs. Before, it’s quite difficult for me to have time to go with friends because on my working days I have plotted my schedule what to do and what to finish based on weekly target. On my free days, I really want to just sleep and enjoy me-time.
Honestly, spending hours in malls isn’t my type. I get really tired at the end and sometimes regret it, especially when I know I should be wiser in using my time.
Like or not, today, I should spend much time in malls to find the dress for Hai-hai’s brother’s wedding. I kept postponing doing it by making some excuses, like: it won’t be comfortable wearing too sexy dress on the wedding, I would use it once only, it’ll be extra expense, I prefer to wear my other dress that I just asked my mom to bought it. Also, I don’t like spending hours in malls, going from one shop to another to find the dress that I might only wear once.
Why did I go today?
1. The wedding is next week! If not today, when?
2. My little sister asked me to go to malls several times. I planned to cancel it about 5 times maybe. Thanks to her consistency!
Am I a Workaholic?
Don’t think so. 😛
I still meet some old friends these past years when they’re our clients! Hahaha. For sure we don’t talk about the job all the time. Most of the time, we talk about personal life – updating each other. But, I just felt I didn’t extra time to go on weekends (when everybody is going out!) to chit-chat until late. Not that I don’t miss my friends too. I miss some of them badly. But maybe some don’t miss me, changing the phone number without informing me, sending SMS many times and pretend they don’t accept it (the worst ones), etc.
Why can I say confidently that I’m not a workaholic? Because I know when I have to stop although I haven’t finished my job. I know there will always be tomorrow. I kept maintaining have enough sleep every single day, and pay the less sleep on low season days.
I can also go having fun when traveling for business. When in Bali, when possible, I tried to enjoy the sunset (escaping from work for a while). But, not that enthusiastic to wake up early to enjoy sunrise (will do someday when I am in a total holiday) because lack of sleep makes my brain cannot think well.
I do chat everyday with my family. In fact, I’m the most AVAILABLE person in the group. I don’t miss any topics in general, hahaha.
Now, you might wonder why I include this topic in this article. Seems unrelated, right? Indeed.
Just think why people like to advice not to have too luxurious wedding, don’t need pre-wedding, don’t this and don’t that. Even, we met someone for the first time and he gave lots of advice about this wedding stuff. Why don’t talk more about the business?
Is this topic that general that we should be able to discuss with everyone? Even at the first meeting? As time goes by, I don’t really answer questions about this seriously, especially at first meetings. I assume it as basa-basi
Luckily, I don’t have family that is too curious about when I’ll get married or I’ll become more stress. It’s not that I don’t want to get married. Someday for sure.
I’m happy seeing my friends finding their true love, marrying their soulmate, and some are waiting for their first baby. I do feel happy for them. But maybe it’s not my time yet 😛
Last Friday, I just realize that I failed to manage my emotion. Maybe nobody knew because I kept silent and acted as if I don’t care. The fact is totally different, why are you acting as if you’re better than us? Why are you telling us what to do? All you said in bad tensions and words. You acted as if you’re the boss talking to your employees – your stupid ones.
I wanted to reply him at that time but I tried to release the bad words from my mind and kept silent for a while. I gave myself time to learn from Hai2 how to take control and win the negotiation. He’s good at acting innocent (I don’t like this sometimes when we’re debating, haha). At the end, we turned up getting what we wanted and the one acted as the boss seemed shocked with the result. I saw his face didn’t it.
I really appreciated how Hai2 behaved at that time and really, I have to ADMIT that I should LEARN A LOT.
When could I have the emotion like him? Is this because women are more emotional?? If it’s, I should use my brain more when meeting people. Because of his ability to handle the meeting well, I get my day back. Although, till the rest of the day I was thinking WHY-WHY-WHY I failed yesterday!
Another thing is there’s another man that is pushing too much the past one week. Acting as if he knows a lot of everything. If he does, why doesn’t he do all jobs himself?
Another one is when someone is sending questions with blaming purpose, argghhh!!!
How About the Second Cause?
Should or shouldn’t I talk more?
Finding the truth last Thursday really disturb me.
If I could, I wanted to go back and stepped faster.
I know. I understand. I should move forward. Find the solution for this. Stop blaming. Stop regretting.
That’s why I write here. Before writing I know that I have 2 choice: becoming so optimistic or being honest – like what I do know.
I want to show that I’m also a human. I made choices, mistakes, progresses, and had regrets and worries. I’m human. I have my peak periods and ordinary ones (most).
Last night, Hai2 printed me a good true story of an inspiring person. I finished reading the 30 pages stories last night. I learned that to succeed we should work SMART
After reading the article? I get more confused. Still have problems to fix (but don’t know how) but want to move forward to get another income stream. Just now, Hai2 asked me to discuss about it and ended up with argument.
Get the solution? Not yet.
Can I still Smile?
Yes, I can.
This evening, when hanging out with my sister, I told her that I’m facing a serious problem but she didn’t believe it. She said I can still smile means it’s not serious.
But when we estimated the possible total lost, she was shocked with the number. Hopefully, it’s not that big dear!
Let’s sit down, discuss about the possibilities, and come back stronger :*